When u want to try and contact someone.... and more specifically ur MASTER u gamble a loottt.
In trying to contact HIM... u gamble a lottt. Every ounce of soul's inner hope... Every ounce of yearning.... and every ounce screaming already ... in the fear and pain of rejection.... Yes... so much is always at stake ...
U r trying hard to live by rules. U r trying hard to tame the mind... U r trying hard not to give up on every stone ur mind throws ur way... All the while clinging to the hope... That HE is with u. U can't feel HIM, u can't see HIM yet HE is always with u. watching ur every step, watching u falter , watching as u gather up ur strength and trying again to stand up...
Once in a while u touch a rock bottom. Or a whirlpool. From where there seems to be no way out. From where on ur own u know u can not get up , make out and get going... and u scream for help. U r throwing ur hands in every direction, trying to feel one hand... one hand that can surely take u out of this whirlpool.... And u find nothing.... Just emptiness....
Whom to contact ??? Whom to ask ???
Ofcourse the living breathing perfect living MASTER ... HE is there in physical form .... HE has taken that form to guide us... to tell us what to do....
ANd u try to contact HIM.... U gamble a lotttt
Coz u know..... within the circle of million n millions of souls.... u r nothing.... KHUDA jeevan me bus ek baar milta hai...... kisi kisi ko ek baar bhi nahi.... U can only meet HIM once in a lifetime.... And that u have already done... when HE initiated u....
Now what ??
Whom to ask ?? That i feel alone in my struggle... I feel alone as i feel loosing .... I feel alone in this whirlpool of mind.... and i need to ask YOU... what can i do now ??? How can i come out ??
U hear so many spiritual stories.... MASTER gives u so much even physically apart.. HE refuses to meet u... and still solve ur problem.... and once in a while u feel ... those are just theories... those are just stories happening to some lucky soul... and you are not one of them....
Once in a while u actually yearn for HIM to answer back... this one sided conversation, ur onw unaswered voice becoming monotones .... and u need an answering voice back.....
Those were good old days.... When disciples cud actually converse and be near MASTER... HIS attention . Can ask all the questions personally. How i envy those lucky souls....
I remember in childhood i would hear stories of Shirdi Sai Baba and His disciples. And think to myself.... They were lucky to be born in the same time zone when He was alive. And thus be able to talk to Him...
Some times stories are not enough... Many times.... not having access to HIM hurts soooo much that u can't breath... Whom to ask ?? Who can solve and tell u what u r facing in the silence and blackness of mind... And why are u facing , how it will go away ?? when will u move forward... when will u come out of this whirlpool...
A lotttt to gamble...
And everything to loose ...
sometimes it's hard to get up and get going...
To overcome the hurdles alone....
to live by theories only ..
And what hurts most ....
Is that there is no turning back ....
No where to go...
World has lost it's hold on you... There is nothing in this world which can make u want to turn back...
And going forward ... u only face a blocked road....
Belonging no where... No where to go... No light ... not real nor illusionary ....
Only an endless.... dark .... night....
And HIM ... silent... more silent then ever... no way to reach HIM... nor inner nor outer ....
There is no highest loneliness then this... worldly loneliness can't even compare to this....
If YOU are KHUDA....
Will YOU come by YOURSELF ??
Aa Jaaogey Haalat Ki Zadd Par Jo Kisi Din,
Ho Jaayega Maloom TUM KHUDA Ho Ke Nahi ....
