FOR BELOVED --- KEEP WRITING FOR YOU...

ONCE IN A WHILE.... ONCE IN A WHILE... WORDS REFUSE TO STOP... AND BECOMES ONLY WAY OUT ....

WO haq apna is tarah mujh par jatate rahey
Bankar ek khwab mujhe he satatey rahey......

Saari qayanat main ek cheez toh maangi thi
TUM wo bhi dene se ghabratey rahaey.......

Dekha hai humne apni duaon ka asar
Fir kuch maangne se isliye katrate rahey......

TERI rehmat ki intezar mayuus ho chali
Hum khawabo ko apne dafnatey rahey.....

Saari qaynaat chod ke manga TUMHE
Or bus TUM he nazarey churatey rahey.......

Mere gunaah TERI rehmat se bade ho gaye
Hum paas aate rahey, TUM duur jaatey rahey.......

Mere honey ka TUMKO ehsaas bhi hai ?
Ye prashna humko shool chubhatey rahey....

Lamha lamha umar meri fanaa hoti rahi,
TUM vaadey APNEY kahi or nibhatey rahey ....

Hum dard apna duniya ko sunatey rahey
Kyuki khamoshi se TUMHARI takraatey rahey.....

TUMKO roohey sametney se fursat nahi
Or bus ek apni roohi ko bhulatey rahey ..

Khatam mere dard ka silsila hota nahi.
Hum ashq bahatey rahey, TUM rulatey rahey... ROOHI ....

WHAT I RECIEVED ON THIS PATH

There are times when while walking on this path mind began to question, it has been years. What have you achieved so far ? Some days it becomes hard to keep walking. Walking !!! It becomes hard to lift a single step.
There are days, weeks even when heart feels as if rather then going forward we are sliding more backward.
May be it's just the inability to meditate. When mind tells, we meditated better when we started. Now it's just tedious routine. Where there is no hope of ever finding any Light or Sound. How many of us begin with sure assurance in our heart that where every one failed. I will succeed. I will reach the Celestial Light and Sound. I am guessing almost every one. Who after initiation, sincerely sit down to meditate.
And years pass by. Nothing happens. Oh !! yes... The Celestial Sound changes into chattering and bickering of mind. And gradually dulling of senses, with lotz of yawning and moving..... And meditating hours just fly by...
Is HE counting our this much efforts even ?? HE says we could wish that our sleeping at the sitting time could be counted as efforts. But it is not. A huge slap on face. And yet. Mind continuously keeps playing this trick. After all it has found the hat trick. The ace up it's sleeves. It's like mind is gleefully saying.... You won't give up when i kept whispering and chattering. Now give up. Coz HE isn't counting your pitiful sitting efforts now. Leave apart many MASTERS THEMSELVES went through this phase. They came out winners.... You won't. And mind says... i will make sure of it..

So what it is ?? What thread we can keep holding on and keep continuing. ??
Nothing..
I m not here to give big lectures. Or write about MASTERS today...
I m just a struggler facing lotz of questions today. Some times it's hard to keep in mind... Two rules... Begin and then continue. Not when efforts are total waste.
It would be so much easier to give up..
What makes or what keeps any of us keep moving on at that time. ??
I haven't found any enlightened soul t give me boost. Or to tell me. What to do now. I do have this pain in heart that i can't meet my Physical MASTER. And ask HIM personally ---- what do i do now ?? I do feel all alone on this path now-a-days. More then ever. And no amount of theories written in books, no amount of rationalizations based on all those spiritual books and theories help. Believe me ... coz i have tried... Dil ko behlane ke liye Galib ye khayal accha hai.
All the theories just feels like consolation meant to offer at such a points. Where as they fail to console. It might be my heavy karmas coming in way. It might be trick of mind... in which it is surely winning. Life can continue on this path till i breath my last and nothing will happen. A huge depressing thought. 

And still i keep trudging along. Why ??
I won't talk about others... I am just listing out my reasons. It may help someone. or it may not...
I keep trudging ... Coz i have no other option left. World hold nothing for me. There is no attraction attractive enough ( i hopefully feel ) which can hold me enough to return back to world. And give up the petty effort to meditate. Which HE isn't even counting.....

I reason my mind....
Even if HE is not counting my efforts... Atleast i am still trying to turn up. TRYING HARD. If HE wants to disregard that... HIS wish... who i am to question ?? My part is just to turn up.

And then i am forced to analyze my life. Analyze... which HE constantly advices us not to do...
But in this case i have to...
Since it helps in keep going on..

What have i to loose ? Nothing. I have no actual efforts in my account. Not big enough that can guarantee i can achieve union with my BELOVED on my own efforts. This much i have understood. I have no life left in this world. So better then doing nothing and giving up is... to keep trying...
I have no hopes left in me..
Just a waiting... some day.... HE just might remember the little me... and shower HIS mercy on me. And pull me out of this limbo...

And biggest of all...
I do accept i have achieved one greatest thing while trudging on this path....
I am not what i was yesterday.
And i won't be what i am today..
My war is and will always be with my previous self...
And if i analyze and  analyze ( again... against HIS advice... )  what i was yesterday and what i am at this moment..
Then yes... I AM A BETTER PERSON...
There still is scope of hugest possible reforms left in me. I am still far from becoming a good person. But ...
It gives reason to move on.... Understanding... that even this much was not possible for me.. On my own i could never have become even this much better. So it must be because of HIS grace. This is not theory. This is experience. And having experience means a lottttt. It gives a lotttt....

So lastly mind asks.... If experience can give conviction and strength. Then when HE tells us... experiencing BELOVED through Light and Sound will give us everlasting faith and a way back home... Then ..
Why not keep trying..
What have i to loose... ???

Peace And Bliss to all
And me too .....

JUST RAMBLINGS ---

These are just pure ramblings of sad mind.

When u want to try and contact someone.... and more specifically ur MASTER u gamble a loottt.
In trying to contact HIM... u gamble a lottt. Every ounce of soul's inner hope... Every ounce of yearning.... and every ounce screaming already ... in the fear and pain of rejection.... Yes... so much is always at stake ...

U r trying hard to live by rules. U r trying hard to tame the mind... U r trying hard not to give up on every stone ur mind throws ur way... All the while clinging to the hope... That HE is with u. U can't feel HIM, u can't see HIM yet HE is always with u. watching ur every step, watching u falter , watching as u gather up ur strength and trying again to stand up...

Once in a while u touch a rock bottom. Or a whirlpool. From where there seems to be no way out. From where on ur own u know u can not get up , make out and get going... and u scream for help. U r throwing ur hands in every direction, trying to feel one hand... one hand that can surely take u out of this whirlpool.... And u find nothing.... Just emptiness....

Whom to contact ??? Whom to ask ???
Ofcourse the living breathing perfect living MASTER ... HE is there in physical form .... HE has taken that form to guide us... to tell us what to do....

ANd u try to contact HIM.... U gamble a lotttt
Coz u know..... within the circle of million n millions of souls.... u r nothing.... KHUDA jeevan me bus ek baar milta hai...... kisi kisi ko ek baar bhi nahi.... U can only meet HIM once in a lifetime.... And that u have already done... when HE initiated u....

Now what ??

Whom to ask ?? That i feel alone in my struggle... I feel alone as i feel loosing .... I feel alone in this whirlpool of mind.... and i need to ask YOU... what can i do now ??? How can i come out ??

U hear so many spiritual stories.... MASTER gives u so much even physically apart.. HE refuses to meet u... and still solve ur problem.... and once in a while u feel ... those are just theories... those are just stories happening to some lucky soul... and you are not one of them....

Once in a while u actually yearn for HIM to answer back... this one sided conversation, ur onw unaswered voice becoming monotones .... and u need an answering voice back.....

Those were good old days.... When disciples cud actually converse and be near MASTER... HIS attention . Can ask all the questions personally. How i envy those lucky souls....
I remember in childhood i would hear stories of Shirdi Sai Baba and His disciples. And think to myself.... They were lucky to be born in the same time zone when He was alive. And thus be able to talk to Him...

Some times stories are not enough... Many times.... not having access to HIM hurts soooo much that u can't breath... Whom to ask ?? Who can solve and tell u what u r facing in the silence and blackness of mind... And why are u facing , how it will go away ?? when will u move forward... when will u come out of this whirlpool...

A lotttt to gamble...
And everything to loose ...
sometimes it's hard to get up and get going...
To overcome the hurdles alone....
to live by theories only ..
And what hurts most ....
Is that there is no turning back ....
No where to go...
World has lost it's hold on you... There is nothing in this world which can make u want to turn back...
And going forward ... u only face a blocked road....
Belonging no where... No where to go... No light ... not real nor illusionary ....
Only an endless.... dark .... night....
And HIM ... silent... more silent then ever... no way to reach HIM... nor inner nor outer ....
There is no highest loneliness then this... worldly loneliness can't even compare to this.... 
If YOU are KHUDA....
Will YOU come by YOURSELF ??

Aa Jaaogey Haalat Ki Zadd Par Jo Kisi Din,
Ho Jaayega Maloom TUM KHUDA Ho Ke Nahi ....

GRATITUDE PART 2

Here we are. Discussing Gratitude once again .

Gratitude once takes place in our hearts changes our lives and fill it with blessings only. Since Gratitude make us see that everything, even our so called pain was a blessing in disguise. One thing which we can other wise never see or acknowledge or even understand.

From a scientific point of view,  gratitude is a high frequency emotion state, and as Rhonda Byrne of “The Secret” says, it’s second only to LOVE  on the emotion scale of mental and emotional frequency states.

Frequency !!! We never thought about Gratitude in this connection ever !! Did we ??
No ! Never. Let's explore this further ....

Emily Egnew Tells us ---

Why is gratitude central to a close spiritual connection?  One answer is, that the realm of spirit exists at a high level of vibration, and a state of Gratitude matches this vibration, allowing you to “tune in” to the frequency of spirit. It can be helpful to think this way, but it is not the whole truth.

In truth, Gratitude IS spirit. Spirit is the energy of Divine LOVE, and Gratitude is one form of that Love.  It is like Light.

A daily effort at Gratitude is a key part of a proactive approach to spiritual connection. In any given moment, your ability to accept “what is”, and to express Gratitude for it, is a perfect indicator of your openness to spiritual connection. If you are already feeling loving, cheerful, and grateful, great!  You are connected to spirit…now you can do your best to live the guidance you are receiving. But if I’m feeling cranky, resistant, depressed, or resentful, then my efforts to express conditional Gratitude will immediately reveal what is blocking me from a full, unhampered expression of Gratitude.

As you move towards being more and more proactive about staying connected to spirit, you’ll find these practices cut right to the heart of the matter.  There’s nothing more important than staying connected to the flow of the divine. You can use these practices to take responsibility for the free flow through you of this energy, in the form of Gratitude.    ----  Emily Agnew

Once we have decided that living a spirit-connected life is our highest priority, we begin to organize what we think, what we say, and what we do, in order to live that priority.  We become less reactive, and more proactive. Being proactive means we accept that we are 100% responsible for the state of our spiritual life and connection. As we begin to perceive the central role of Gratitude in a spirit-focused life, our desire to nurture Gratitude in ourself will increase.

In nut shell...

Or in easy language... 

We know that connecting to that celestial music which is vibrating through whole universe is our priority. And Gratitude brings us more quickly closer to that Divine Power. Once we understand this , though it takes us long time to understand the power of Gratitude...

But once we understand this... we will strive more harder to stay in the state of Gratitude... 

 Because as we know now ....  Gratitude is a dynamic tool of transformation.

Let's just end with a story ...

About that situation in life.. which we will all agree is hard time to bear ..

When the late John Claypool lost his ten-year-old daughter to leukemia, gratitude was the only way he survived. He tells about that experience in his profound book, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler. After his daughter's death, John walked down three different paths. The first path was to say, "Well, it was just GOD's will. I have to accept it." But that was not helpful. He could not believe that GOD willed ten-year-old girls to die of leukemia. A second path was to try to find an intellectual answer as to why this happened. He tried to make sense of it. But that didn't work either. His daughter's death didn't make any sense. Finally, John walked the path of gratitude. He realized that life is a gift. We are not entitled to it. That we have any life at all is pure gift and pure grace. Therefore, John chose to be thankful for the ten good years they had together rather than being consumed with resentment for the years he did not have with her. This path of gratitude wasn't easy, but it was the only path which offered any help.

Now there are two stories before us. And the truth of spiritual power of Gratitude in front of us. Agreed it is hard for us to feel Gratitude in adverse circumstances for now. But as John Claypool tells us. That only Gratitude has any power to help our soul. We definitely can begin from here and reach to that place where we can offer our Gratitude filled heart and soul to GOD like that porter, in above story. 

AND THEN WE WILL OUR SELF SEE THE DYNAMISM OF GRATITUDE... 

Coz you see ... it is even whispered by THE MYSTICS ... that more Grateful we are ... more our Gratitude makes HIM draw closer to us ....

AND THAT YOU SEE IS THE ULTIMATE POWER OF GRATITUDE IN MY OPINION ....

And then what is there not to be grateful about ???

GURU NANAK JI says... The ONE who has given us ten things, we complain to HIM for one which is not given to us. If HE who denies us that one thing, see it fit to deny us other ten things as well .... Then do we have any power to change HIS will ???

Nope..

Why not just be grateful for everything HE sees fit to give us. For HE is the giver, and we mere beggars..... Plus....

Plus just ask HIM from HIM ... if we need to ask anything at all....

Peace and Bliss to All ... Roohi ..