ANGUISH

There is anguish in the air. Spiritual anguish. And one can feel it pulsating. 

Since last many months things seems to be falling apart and souls seems to be stumbling in dark. Darkness of Faith and Darkness of Uncertainty. 

Many devotees saw the reality of Path they were following. As their honoured Guru was pulled in controversies and taken in custody. Whom to trust ? The bewildered souls , loosing Faith. And again stumbling in darkness. Probably for many births to come. May be never being able to trust so easily again. Why ? why such hard blow on their childlike Faith ?

Sometimes i even think, how this betrayal must hit so hard. The disciple and MASTER relation is as sacred and as intimate, in spiritual sense , as a relation of spouses. Or lovers. When one lover or spouse betrays another, the pain of this betrayal hits so hard. A pain beyond comparison. When a GURU/MASTER, proved fake, betrays His disciple/ soul. How hard it must hit. The pain must be equally unbearable. I certainly feel so.... It is a betrayal far greater then even marriage betrayal of this physical world. And the pain is greater then a betrayal of a spouse.

Yet many devotees are waiting for their BELOVED to come out of Samadhi. Craving one news of HIS wellbeing. Patiently and faithfully waiting and hoping. Not a shred of doubt on their non shakeable Faith. May their faith bring them best news soon.

And yet another group of souls .... eagerly and desperately await the news of wellbeing of their BELOVED. When will HE get well ?

Feels like ages. Feels like every breath is Anguished. Feels like every breath now craves for some good news. Any good news.

Many souls debates, many asks questions ... is it because of us ? is HE suffering because of us ? We even ask this question when HE despite HIS being so unwell, gives us chance to talk to HIM.. some how this question lost it’s urgency long ago. Amidst HIS sickness, and waiting for news of HIS well being. This question lost it’s need to be answered. The only thing remains.... when will HE be back to normal ? Back being well, and THEN between us. 

HE ask us – when we don’t meditate. Is this our Love ?? But now our soul whispers.... is this YOUR love ? When soul beseech HIM... have proper rest BELOVED, be well and then come between us. We want to see YOU well now. Not like this.... no.... not like this. Yes, this Definitely is HIM suffering on our behalf... so that HE just can be between us. 

I have no idea about many of you, my dear fellow souls.... But coming to this path so late... knowing my BELOVED so late. Already put urgency in my soul. I dreaded that day.... when HE just might leave this earth before me. Always praying --- for one good karma i just might have performed. Some where in some life... let me go before YOU. I am sure many souls whispers such prayers to BELOVED in their own heart. 

And so it feels like ages, heart torn apart, alternately hoping and sometimes scared out of wits. What will HE decide ? and another hope whispering simultaneously ...... let HIM decide to get well now... just get well now.... whispering.... if I loved YOU truly for even one single moment. One single moment of pure SIMRAN or REMEMBERANCE .... take everything..... and just come back well to me...

Until recently, we started feeling the anguish on deeper level. Nothing seems to hold attention for long. While once looking into future and dreaming of union with HIM, used to take up most of time, while days used to blend into constant waiting for being with HIM... now , days seem longer. Future yields no dreams. As day goes by..... every wish , that used hold HIM in centre , seems to leave heart. And i realized. Nothing else matters, accept HIM. HIS being between us, same as ever. Laughing, smiling, scolding, beseeching us to meditate. Delivering discourses, inspecting new things, new boundaries to be made.... giving HIS souls, HIS company. And while i from afar .... learning all these things from some lucky soul , who went and saw HIM in action. It has always been suffice to survive, it will remain suffice to survive... if only HE is well.

Accepted that HE is shabad incarnate. Accepted that this is not HIS true form. Accepted that HE can never leave us alone.... But then we haven't yet learned to go out of limits of mind and matter. Our meditations hasn't yet revealed us TRUTH if HIS Divine form. Nor have we yet the bliss of HIS word form... we are still very much in need of HIS this form. Can't yet let go.... YOU still have to teach us to go above mind and matter. YOU still has lot to do....

Things happening all over.... all the set backs of spiritual world. All the ... news.... comes up to only this point.... no we don’t want to loose YOU .... World seems unimaginable without YOU. Souls all over are loosing their BELOVED, some way or another. And it feels like a cry of pure Anguish of souls, is surrounding the creation. With YOU being far, and unwell. World seems..... not at all --- right. Come back WELL BELOVED. Just be well now.... 

TUMSE raha nahi jataa, duuriya humse bhi sahi nahi jaati,

Par sach maano halat aise bhi TUMHARI dekhi nahi jaati.

Ye kaisa ishq hai TUMHARA, na jeene deta hai na tootne,

Saanse is kadar atki hai, ki ek saans chain se lee nahi jaati.

Duniya ke is jungle me nannhi ruuhey bhatakti hai,

TUMHARE bina main ek kadam ab chal nahi sakti.

TUM le lo mere saare sapno ka, ye karwaa khatam kar do,

Bus bhar do wo umeed TUMHARE lautne ki, jo todi ab nahi jaati.

YOU can’t live without us, and we can’t live without YOU,

But it is not easy for us to keep seeing YOU like this.

What kind of love YOU are giving ? it’s not letting me live nor break down.

My breaths are laboured , can’t take one breath easily.

In this forest called world, every single soul is feeling lost,

And i for one, can not take one single step without YOU.

Take away all my dreams and finish every single wish,

But let me be left with this one hope fulfilled , of YOU coming back to us. 

Amen.

Peace and Bliss. Roohi....